Christians claim that man is made in God’s image. Khristians claim that “Republican Jesus” is made in their image.
Republican Jesus hates the poor, (They need to apply themselves harder!) gays, (Sex is for making babies and gays can’t do that.) people of color (It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference which color. “If they ain’t white, they ain’t right!”) and other religious denominations.
So, forget about that passage in Matthew 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Unless, of course, you’re talking about the “Peacemakers” invented by Mrs Colt’s boy, Samuel.Speaking of “shootin’ irons,” Republican Jesus loves those more than almost anything (except maybe, right-wing judges).
In celebration of that, along with getting ready for RJ’s return, last year, one church in Pennsylvania held a “Bless the guns” event for AR-15s. (I guess RJ especially likes “heavy heat.”)
The “Sanctuary Church” that held the event is an offshoot of Sun Myung Moon‘s “Unification Church.” Among other insanities, Sun Moon declared that he was Jesus, back for a second visit. He has since departed this mortal vale. (ascended? descended? Your choice.)
You can probably understand why Unification Church adherents are referred to as “Moonies.” (Or, more accurately, “Loony Moonies.”)
Republican Jesus and the 5.56 mm “Rod of Iron”
According to them, the “rod of iron” mentioned in Revelation 2:27 is an assault rifle. (That came as news to me. I thought the passage had something to do with a dysfunctional family relationship.)
Not quite sure why guns need to be blessed. Maybe the church elders don’t think the congregation is going to make the cut for the “Rapture,” when JC (or is that SM?) returns. Blessed guns will make the apocalypse go smoother or something? In any case couples (Hetros only! Gays will not be admitted.) were invited to bring their AR-15s, or equivalent assault weapons)
Several hundred couples showed up. Quite a number of them, sporting crowns constructed of bullets. The ceremony was led by one of Sun Moon’s sons, Sean Moon.
As a result of all this, I’m sure we feel a lot safer knowing there are Loony Monies running loose with “blessed” assault rifles. Don’t we????
PS. For a more in-depth (and tongue-in-cheek) look at Republican Jesus, check out this vid:
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