Lance Wallnau is a
profit….er prophet! At least he claims he is. The Religious site, “Pulpit & Pen” has a slightly different take on the matter.
In a post about Lance, they had this to say:
Wallnau has been thoroughly discredited as a false prophet. A key player in the New Apostolic Reformation, he is a driving force behind the Seven Mountain Mandate that seeks to take “dominion” over seven designated areas of culture including, religion, family, education, government, media, arts & entertainment, and business. Wallnau is a member of the right-wing New Apostolic political activist group, The Oak Initiative.
Lance is also a Trump fanboy, BIGLY! After all, “Donald Trump was sent by God.” Lance said so, himself.
And, for those of you who can’t sleep at night because Trump (aka Duh Fuhrer) seems to be careening down the road towards the corner of “Impeachment” and “You’re Fired,” not to worry. Just a couple of days ago, Lance prayed the impeachment away. (And, as we all know, prayer works soooo well. Just look at how mass shootings have disapeared since Sandy Hook.)
Tapes, obstruction of justice, impeach; we cut off every word, in Jesus name! Tapes, dissolve away. Obstruction of justice, melt away. Impeachment, bye bye, in Jesus name.
Of course, right after that, the Special Prosecuter broadened his investigation of Duh Fuhrer and followers. (But, how could Lance have known that was going to happen? What is he? A prophet?)
However, this post isn’t about his coin-toss prophecies.
Au contraire mon ami! This post is about Lance giving credit for saving the Republican baseball players where credit for saving the Republican baseball players is due. No, not special agents Crystal Griner and David Bailey, who were wounded while defending the politicians. Don’t be silly! Lance is talking about the real hero, Donald “Man-Baby” Trump!
No, not special agents Crystal Griner and David Bailey, who were wounded while defending the politicians. Don’t be silly! Lance is talking about the real hero, Donald “Man-Baby” Trump!
It seems (to Lance) that Duh Fuhrer saved those poor souls a month in advance. You see, last month D.T bathed the White House…. excuse me, the Trump House, with blue light. He did that in honor of police officers. (Or, that was the cover story, anyway.)
Well, by Jingles T. Jones, that tickled Big Daddy so much, he decided to pay it forward and save the lives of some Regressive congressmen when they were shot at, because, well, B.D. is just that kinda guy!
That has to be God protecting a lot of lives today through the Capitol Police. I want to remind you that Trump—remember when Obama bathed the White House in rainbow colors when same-sex marriage came out? It’s interesting to me that the last time the White House was given a symbolic color bath, it was Trump honoring policemen. He bathed it in blue. And I think that that honor is policing the heavens right now.
Lance also claimed that since nobody died, despite around 50 shots being fired, it was proof that “our prayers are working.”
(Or, it could have been that the shooter was a crappy shot. In re: the prayer comment, see above snark.)
On a slightly different note, since Lance was in D.C. when the shooting happened, he also figures that is a sign from Big D that Lance should involve himselve a lot more in politics. (Tax-free, of course.)
I don’t want to do this, but I seem to feel like I’m always here at some pivotal moment and it’s confirming I gotta spend more time in D.C.
Featured Image Credit: YouTube screen grab
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it. I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).
- Trump ‘not concerned’ after Brazil official who met him tests positive for coronavirus - March 12, 2020
- AG Orders Jim Bakker to Stop Claiming His ‘Silver Solution’ Kills Coronavirus - March 6, 2020
- Islamic & Christian Fundies: Two Coins of the Same Side - November 26, 2019
- Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Impeachment - November 14, 2019
- Louie Gohmert Goes All ‘Civil War’ Over Impeachment - November 1, 2019
- Walk On Holy Water In Your Jesus Shoes For Just 14,000 Shekels! - October 15, 2019
- This Week in God (As worshiped by Bronze Age troglodytes!) - October 6, 2019
- Non-Khristians Not Welcome In New State To Be Called ‘Liberty!’ - September 14, 2019
- Sarah ‘Caribou Barbie’ Palin Dumped By Hubby? - September 10, 2019
- The Second Amendment Ain’t What It Used To Be! (Part 1) - September 5, 2019