Always wanted to walk on water like J.C. did back in the day? Well, through the miracle of modern merchandising, you can! But only in your “Jesus Shoes,” now equipped with HWFTJR! [Holy Water From The Jordan River]
These shoes started life as run-of-the-mill Nike Air Max 97s [Amazon: $193.95]. Then they were injected with 30 ml [1 oz] of Jordan Holy Water in each shoe, and then blessed by an authentic Brooklyn priest.
They also added a crucifix, and one review said the shoes were “100% frankincense wool”. Not sure what the heck that is. Frankincense comes from the sap of Boswellia and Commiphora trees and is used to reduce wrinkles and, of course, was a birthday gift for J.C. (Did J.C. have a postpartum skin condition?)
The shoes are also inscribed with Matthew 14:25 (J.C.’s “water walking” episode.)
Of course, this customization comes at a price: $4,000! (For the biblically minded, that’s about 14,000 shekels.)
What’s that you’re saying? Nobody in his right mind would fall for something as stupid as that? Well, you could be right about the “right mind” part, but this is the “Age of Trump.”
The first batch of 24 sold out immediately!
What makes this even funnier, is the person behind this is Jewish, and according to him, the only thing he really knows about J.C. is the “walking on water” bit.
Be that as it may, once again, P.T. Barnum hit the nail on the head when he (or somebody) stated, “There’s a sucker born every minute!”
And, if you know someone who regrets missing out on this “chance of a lifetime,” tell them to rejoice! Their prayers have been answered and there’s a second batch currently available. I’d tell you where, but they didn’t pay us to advertise them, so I won’t. 😛
Stay tuned!
Grouchy
- Louie Gohmert Goes All ‘Civil War’ Over Impeachment - November 1, 2019
- Walk On Holy Water In Your Jesus Shoes For Just 14,000 Shekels! - October 15, 2019
- This Week in God (As worshiped by Bronze Age troglodytes!) - October 6, 2019
- Non-Khristians Not Welcome In New State To Be Called ‘Liberty!’ - September 14, 2019
- Sarah ‘Caribou Barbie’ Palin Dumped By Hubby? - September 10, 2019
- The Second Amendment Ain’t What It Used To Be! (Part 1) - September 5, 2019
- Troglodyte: Khristians Need Militias For The Coming Civil War - September 4, 2019
- Sex, Drugs and Bank Fraud = Right Wing ‘Family Values? - August 31, 2019
- Troglodyte: Use the Military to Arrest the Heads of Google, Facebook and Twitter - August 28, 2019
- ‘Prophet’: Patriots Will Murder High-Profile Democrats in the Streets if Trump Doesn’t Carry Out Mass Arrests by January - August 20, 2019
