Every week, we cruise its digital highway, searching for the choicest filbert fantasies making the rounds. (Well, we all gotta make a living one way or another.) Then come the weekend, we give out the not-so-coveted Ignominy* Award [“Iggy.”] for the most outlandish bovine bowel movement of the week. (*For any teabagger types that stumbled on this, an ignominy is “a public shame or disgrace.”)
As I wrote last week, this isn’t an award for stupidity. If it was, Rump would sweep it week after week. This is an award for the wackiest utterances from the tinfoil toupee troupe.
This week’s nominees are:
- Hans Fiene for suggesting the massacre at the Church in Texas was God’s way of answering their prayers.
- “Crazy Uncle” Pat Robertson for blaming the same massacre on antidepressants.
- According to Rick Wiles. the shooting was part of Obama’s “Communist Revolution”
- And, Alex Jones’ version says Antifa and the media had their hands dripping with blood.
- Finally, Mark Taylor for his prognostication about death and rock-hockey breaking up the “Ex-Presidents’ Club” because they were naughty to Rump.
Three of “the usual suspects: [Robertson, Wiles & Jones], (Wasn’t that a TV western back in the 70’s?) a wanna-be: [Taylor] and a “who the hell is that?’: [Fiene]
First off, let’s dump the “also-rans”
First one down the poop chute is Mark Taylor.
Mark’s main (read that “only”) claim to fame is that a couple years ago, he dreamed Rump would win the election. Ipso facto, Mark’s a “prophet!” (Albeit, not a very profitable prophet.) Mark’s been trying to break into the “BIGS” ever since. Thing is, he just doesn’t have it!
This week’s “prophecy,” really isn’t going to help:
Two of these ex-presidents will be taken and and three will be shaken.
God is just going to take these guys home, period. He is going to remove them and it will be a sign for certain things. The other three will be shaken and I believe that two of them will run the risk of going to prison and the third one will also be shaken due to having to testify or legal issues.
He’ll probably bat .400 on this one. Bush Sr and Carter are OLD! And, not without their health concerns. As for Bush Jr, Clinton and Obama making the rock hokey team? I wouldn’t hold my breath. (Mark’s perfectly free to hold his if he so desires.)
Next up (actually, down) is Alex Jones. Alex must be exhausted from all those women he claims to bed, because his latest is L-A-M-E!
In the middle of a broadcast, Alex started talking to the dead shooter.
You got your permission from Antifa and the media to go out—yeah, your mother-in-law is there and there are a bunch of Christians and you hate them and you’re a big leftist Antifa. And you know what? You’ll kill two birds with one stone. You got permission to be a sack of crap. You’re going to go in there and kill a bunch of people.
Come on Alex! It’s “the media’s fault?” How unoriginal! And, no extra points for slipping in the Antifa. That’s the filberts’ “boogieman du jour” and WAAAAY overused! For all its impact, Alex might as well be talking to a dead man. (Oh wait! He was!)
Get your act together, Alex! Glenn Beck just may make a comeback!
Which brings us to our winners(?).
In third place, Rick Wiles for using the massacre to beat his three favorite dead horses: Lucifer, “Lord of the Hot Spot,” Commies and Barry Soetoro.
A dark, sinister entity controlled by Lucifer is behind these mass shootings. These events are not happening at random by mentally ill people. You may not realize it, but the USA is engulfed in a communist revolution. I’ve been warning about it since 2008, with the election of communist street organizer Barry Soetoro, alias Barack Hussein Obama, and I assure you he is behind all of this Resist Trump movement going on right now.
In 2nd place is everybody’s not-so-favorite crazy uncle, Pat Robertson. If for nothing else, he got extra points for originality.
I hope and pray they don’t politicize this thing and start talking about gun control and all that because it won’t be necessary.
But I do think there’s got to be a thorough investigation into the effect of antidepressants on these [inaudible]. And they’ve been so many of these mass killings and almost every one, as I said before, has had some nexus to antidepressants. So, we need to see what we are giving people.
The battle between 2nd and 1st spot was close. It boiled down to originality vs despicability. Despicability won!
Meet Hans Fiene, a Lutheran pulpit pounder. Hans also writes for “The Federalist,” a site so right-wing that it can only fly counter-clockwise. On the 6th, Hans wrote a column entitled When The Saints Of First Baptist Church Were Murdered, God Was Answering Their Prayers.
According to Hans, (and almost nobody else in the world) it’s all part of Big Daddy’s “plan,” and not a failure of “thoughts and prayers.”
It may seem, on the surface, that God was refusing to give such protection to his Texan children. But we are also praying that God would deliver us from evil eternally. Through these same words, we are asking God to deliver us out of this evil world and into his heavenly glory, where no violence, persecution, cruelty, or hatred will ever afflict us again.
So when a madman with a rifle sought to persecute the faithful at First Baptist Church on Sunday morning, he failed. Just like those who put Christ to death, and just like those who have brought violence to believers in every generation, this man only succeeded in being the means through which God delivered his children from this evil world into an eternity of righteousness and peace.
(I have the feeling that defense wouldn’t stand up in court!)
Stay tuned! We’re starting a brand new week with, I’m sure, a brand new bunch of insanity.
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it. I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).
- Walk On Holy Water In Your Jesus Shoes For Just 14,000 Shekels! - October 15, 2019
- This Week in God (As worshiped by Bronze Age troglodytes!) - October 6, 2019
- Non-Khristians Not Welcome In New State To Be Called ‘Liberty!’ - September 14, 2019
- Sarah ‘Caribou Barbie’ Palin Dumped By Hubby? - September 10, 2019
- The Second Amendment Ain’t What It Used To Be! (Part 1) - September 5, 2019
- Troglodyte: Khristians Need Militias For The Coming Civil War - September 4, 2019
- Sex, Drugs and Bank Fraud = Right Wing ‘Family Values? - August 31, 2019
- Troglodyte: Use the Military to Arrest the Heads of Google, Facebook and Twitter - August 28, 2019
- ‘Prophet’: Patriots Will Murder High-Profile Democrats in the Streets if Trump Doesn’t Carry Out Mass Arrests by January - August 20, 2019
- Better Red Or Dead? Civil War Fever Strikes Right - August 17, 2019