Once again it’s “Looney Tune Time.” (With apologies to Warner Bros.) Time to salute (middle finger only) the most outlandish, the most insane, and in some cases, the most silly, pronouncements of the week.
Every week, I cruise the digital highway, searching for the choicest filbert fantasies making the rounds. Then come Sunday, I give out the not-so-coveted Ignominy* Award [“Iggy.”] for the most outlandish bovine bowel movement of the week. (*For any teabagger types that stumbled on this, an ignominy is “a public shame or disgrace.”)
As I have previously stated, this isn’t an award for stupidity. If it was, Rump would sweep it week after week. (Although Louie “Goober” Gohmert would have given him a run this week.) This is an award for the wackiest utterances from the tinfoil toupee troupe.
So, without further ado (or adon’t) I present this week’s nominees:
- Liz Crokin, for her examination of the use of “The Wizard of Oz” to create child sex slaves;
- Mark Taylor for his insights on the Illuminati hitting Texas and Florida with hurricanes to punish Trump voters;
- Rick Wiles for exposing the rise of Christian-killing Nazis;
- Liz Crokin (again) for noticing the “secret code” Trump was using when he drank water at his news conference;
- Paul Joseph Watson for “proving” that eating soy products turns you into a “pussy;”
- David Meade for his update on today’s planetary collision with Planet Nibiru. Of course, if it’s already happened, he’s disqualified. (But then, nobody would be alive to know that.)
As you can tell, it’s been a wild week in Wackystan, so let’s separate the “also-rans” from the real losers.
First of all, lets dump David Meade. His pronouncement is a mere retread of a previous “prophecy” of a September 24th collision. (Back to the ouija board, David!)
Next candidate for the “flush hole:” Rick Wiles! The Rickster is usually better than this. (Maybe somebody switched meds on him.) Alas, he seems to have found himself trying to heat up a cold bowl of old mold. Nazis? Killing Christians? The Nazis were and are Christian. They killed Jews and wouldn’t be adverse to knocking off a few Muslims, Blacks, Gypsies and Slavs while they’re at it.
And now, the final three in pursuite of the prized(?) peanut:
In the “Show” position: Mark Taylor. Mark’s claim to fame is that he dreamed Rump would become president. By definition, (his) that makes him a “prophet.” Unfortunately, his prognostications usually miss their mark by a couple Astronomical Units. (AU=93,000,000 miles) Mark’s been in the competition before, but this is the first time he’s make the cut, due to his explanation for the cause of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma.
People want to know where is this coming from. Well, I have the answer for you, it’s called the Illuminati, New World Order, Deep State, whatever you want to call it because they’re all part of the same team. The Lord showed me—and I know this is going to be a conspiracy theory but it’ll come out, the truth will come out one day to back this up—but the Lord showed me, Sheila, these two weather incidents with Harvey and Irma, they were manipulated and steered by man, literally.
Second Place is a double award as Liz Crokin managed to move the “Nutty Needle” twice in a week. After claiming that Democratic lobiest, Tony Podesta is a pedophile because he wears red shoes, she linked that to….well, I’ll let her explain it:
There is symbolism for red shoes in the occult and it’s also tied to satanic ritualistic abuse and the trafficking of children.
The Illuminati, the elites, they use ‘The Wizard of Oz’ to mind control child slaves. They use certain films to program children and part of the programming is having them watch these films and they also sexually abuse them and they physically abuse them because the abuse splits their personality and creates different personalities, so then they are able to program them and control them and they virtually become MK-Ultra programming.
This is a known thing. They use ‘The Wizard of Oz’ to mind control these child sex abuse victims. Well, what does Dorthy wear in ‘The Wizard of Oz’? Red shoes!
Then, later in the week, she came up with this doozy:
President Trump’s Fiji water stunt today was no question strategic! He does not usually have a special table with water on it! They put the water on the table front and center on purpose because it’s a clue. The clue is Fiji! Plus, Trump was so dramatic about the water, it’s obvious he was sending a message. Also, he knew the brain-dead MSM reporters would mock him for this leading people like me to take note and research the significance of Fiji.
So far, no explanation of the significance of Fiji from Liz or anyone!
Which brings us to this week’s winner(?), Paul Joseph Watson! Paul, if you haven’t had the displeasure, is an editor-at-large at InfoWars.
Paul’s contribution to the nut hatchery is that he applied “science” to prove that eating soy products is “turning men into pussies and making them more likely to adopt left-wing beliefs.” (OH, THE HORROR!)
According to Paul eating soy increases estrogen levels.
Men with high estrogen take on feminine traits. They find it harder to handle stress. They become less assertive. They become low energy. Their voices get higher. Their genitals shrink. They lose muscle tone.
And, the really bad new is that baby formula has soy in it.
Rather than people with already pre-existing left-wing beliefs being attracted to vegan-style tofu soy diets, we’re actually creating an army of soy boys from birth,
Men, if you don’t want to develop a bunch of retarded beliefs about how inviting in millions of rapey migrants is a good idea, about how anyone to the right of Michael Moore is literally Hitler, about how fantastic communism is, or about how being a white male is shameful and wrong, while literally growing tits and seeing your penis shrink at the same time, when it comes to soy just say no.
I will admit that Paul won because his weird has more than a smidgen of silly built-in. And nowadays, with all the garbage going on, a bit of silly is a relief. Plus, I have a weakness for silly!
Stay tuned and have a great week. Check back next Sunday to see if your favorite filbert did something especially stupid.
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it. I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).
- Islamic & Christian Fundies: Two Coins of the Same Side - November 26, 2019
- Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Impeachment - November 14, 2019
- Louie Gohmert Goes All ‘Civil War’ Over Impeachment - November 1, 2019
- Walk On Holy Water In Your Jesus Shoes For Just 14,000 Shekels! - October 15, 2019
- This Week in God (As worshiped by Bronze Age troglodytes!) - October 6, 2019
- Non-Khristians Not Welcome In New State To Be Called ‘Liberty!’ - September 14, 2019
- Sarah ‘Caribou Barbie’ Palin Dumped By Hubby? - September 10, 2019
- The Second Amendment Ain’t What It Used To Be! (Part 1) - September 5, 2019
- Troglodyte: Khristians Need Militias For The Coming Civil War - September 4, 2019
- Sex, Drugs and Bank Fraud = Right Wing ‘Family Values? - August 31, 2019