Everyone is talking about Donald Trump’s interview with the Times of London where he told the publication:
…[D]ay one – which I will consider to be Monday as opposed to Friday or Saturday. Right? I mean my day one is gonna be Monday because I don’t want to be signing and get it mixed up with lots of celebration.
But don’t worry, right after that, Trump says his first order he will sign as President (I am guessing on Monday because you know, President’s don’t work on the weekends) will be to “create strong borders,” whatever that means. We can assume he means, “I’m going to force Congress to fund the wall I promised Mexico would pay for.”
And, if he keeps this up he won’t need his now infamous wall because every other country in the world will build their own to keep him and the rest of the fascists out.
With having his first mini-vacation as President of the United States, we can safely assume Comrade Orange has a jam-packed weekend agenda.
Donald Trump’s Weekend To-Do List
9. Change mailing address for my monthly subscription of Sugar Tropic Tan Face & Body Jumbo Bronzer to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
8. Get banners printed that say “President” and instruct all employees worldwide to tape the banners before the word Trump signs on all his buildings.
7. Post the following to Twitter, “Everyone now needs to refer to me as President Trump and anyone not using the correct moniker will face Twitter shaming.”
6. Invite Playboy Bunnies to Mar-a-Lago for a celebratory shower on each and every mattress inside the building.
5. Order more scotch tape for tie tales.
4. Replace all presidential teleprompters with his Twitter feed.
3. Ask the Pope where he ordered his glass box.
2. Drain the Everglades a.k.a., “The Swamp.”
1. Replace every toilet in the White House with solid gold “thrones” for optimal Tweeting comfort.
Once all these things are complete, he will be ready to president bright and early Monday morning, we’re sure of it.
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