It’s been another whacked-out, weird week in God (Abrahamic Division, Khristian Troglodyte Department).
The Starnes Saga
First off, some good news: Todd Starnes “got the axe” from the Faux Propaganda Channel. He’s also been kicked off the website, and the premium subscription service, Fox Nation. It appears there could have been a number of “final straws.” Or it could be, that the network has seen the handwriting on. the wall, and is slowly dumping some of the pro-rump personalities in its stable. (Unless they bring in the Benjamins, of course.)
Democrats Worship Moloch
One “Final Straw” theory is based on Todd’s conversation with Robert Jeffress about Dems being devotees of Moloch. Jeffress was a guest on Starnes radio program, last Sunday, when the subject came up.
Jeffress was bemoaning the fact that “sanctimonious” Nancy Pelosi had the gall to pray for the oaf in the Oval Office.
That reminds me of an arsonist, a pyromaniac with a match in his hand about to set a building on fire, saying, ‘Now pray with me that the destruction I’m about to cause isn’t too severe. If Nancy Pelosi is sincere about bringing this nation together, she will drop this impeachment effort.
At this point, Todd jumped in,
We just assume they’re praying to God. I’m not quite sure.
Jeffress has a theory as to which god Nancy and the Dems are worshiping.
Apparently the god they worship is the pagan god of the Old Testament, Moloch, who allowed for child sacrifice. The God of the Bible doesn’t sanction the killing of millions and millions of children in the womb. I think the god they are worshiping is the god of their own imagination.
At this point, I should mention that Jeffress is the rump’s favorite religious troglodyte. (At least according to Jeffress.) A more accurate description, might be “the rump’s favorite religious ‘bum-smoocher’!” (And, I ain’t talkin’ about kissing a homeless person.)
Father Kills 6 Year Old Son While Casting Out Demons
An Arizona father has been arrested for 1st Degree Murder. He killed his son by pouring scalding water down his throat to get rid of the demon living inside their “special needs” son.
The boy’s adopted mother says it started when the father volunteered to give the boy a bath.
According to the father, “he saw something evil” in his son and had to “cast the demon out.” He told police that his son had an “unnatural fit of rage” but, he “noticed that the hot water was casting out the demon.”
When the mother heard gurgling coming from the bathroom. She went to investigate, but the father had locked the door. She unlocked the door and found her husband holding the boy under the bathtub’s faucet.
Court documents state that 15 percent of the child’s body was burned, including burns on the child’s head, elbows and forearms.
Evangelical Bishop: Keep Your Daughters Ignorant So Your Sons Look Smarter:
“Bishop” Edir Macedo, of the Universal Church of the Kingdom of God has an idea, fresh out of the Stone Age:
One way to keep women from being so “uppity” is to limit their education. After all, if they’re smart, they’ll serve themselves rather than “god” (Or their husbands?)
When they went out, I said they would just go to high school and they wouldn’t go to college. My wife supported me, but the relatives found it absurd. Why don’t you go to college? Because if you graduate from a particular profession, you will serve yourself, you will work for yourself. But I don’t want that, you came to serve God.
Because if … she was a doctor and had a high degree of knowledge and found a boy who had a low degree of knowledge, he would not be the head, she would be the head. And if it were the head, it would not serve God’s will.
I want my daughters to marry a male. A man who has to be head. They have to be head. Because if they are not head their marriage is doomed to failure.
No word from Macedo as to why a woman’s education means that she will serve herself, but a man’s doesn’t!
And, he’s far from the only trog with this distorted view. For instance, there’s Jesse Lee Peterson:
Women, God has given you the gift of being the assistant of the man, to watch over his children, to make sure things are well at home, to be there when the kids come home, to cook, clean, provide in that way. There is no greater job for a woman than that. And I don’t know why these men would marry these women if they don’t have that mindset. It’s like being married to another man. It’s selfishness, it’s not love.
Men, you need to come back to your proper state of being so God can give you the right kind of woman to marry. I wouldn’t recommend you marry these educated women with these degrees; they don’t make for good wives and mothers.
Jesus, Take The Wheel
Calicia Williams decided to test her faith with the lives of her four children.
According to witnesses, Williams was traveling at high speed when she told her children to unbuckle their seat belts and hold their hands in the air. Then she told them,
The devil can’t hurt you, he only hurts bad people. You have the light of Jesus in you and only Jesus can cure us!
Then she jumped a raised median and plowed straight into a palm tree!Ms Williams is heading to the pokey! After she gets out of the hospital. (Somebody should have told her that J.C. never learned to drive anything faster than a donkey cart.)
Rick Wiles On His Favorite Vampire
And, finally (not really) what would a whacked-out, weird week in God without Rick Wiles?
Slick Rick has noticed a change in Hillary lately. She’s out on a book tour and Rick says she’s looking good. And, of course, he knows why:
Physically, she’s looking much better! She must be drinking a lot of blood.… Because she’s definitely getting transfusions because she’s stronger. She was pretty weak back then in 2016… That woman was falling apart. But they’ve obviously been taking her to a lot of “spirit cooking” events. And she’s been revived.
“Spirit cooking,” for those not hep to the jive, is another idiotic conspiracy based on an email to Hilary that she never received and has nothing to do with vampires, or drinking blood in the first place.
But, since when do facts ever matter to the tinfoil toupee set.
Stay tuned! (There’s a brand new week coming!)
- Islamic & Christian Fundies: Two Coins of the Same Side - November 26, 2019
- Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Impeachment - November 14, 2019
- Louie Gohmert Goes All ‘Civil War’ Over Impeachment - November 1, 2019
- Walk On Holy Water In Your Jesus Shoes For Just 14,000 Shekels! - October 15, 2019
- This Week in God (As worshiped by Bronze Age troglodytes!) - October 6, 2019
- Non-Khristians Not Welcome In New State To Be Called ‘Liberty!’ - September 14, 2019
- Sarah ‘Caribou Barbie’ Palin Dumped By Hubby? - September 10, 2019
- The Second Amendment Ain’t What It Used To Be! (Part 1) - September 5, 2019
- Troglodyte: Khristians Need Militias For The Coming Civil War - September 4, 2019
- Sex, Drugs and Bank Fraud = Right Wing ‘Family Values? - August 31, 2019