The media refers to right-wing churches as the “Religious Right.” I, for various reasons, refer to them as the “Religious Wrong.”
I also refer to them as “Khristians,” as opposed to “Christians.” (Which they ain’t!) The Christian Sunday Schools I attended taught love. Pulpit-pounding preachers of the Religious Wrong variety seem to perpetually push a passel of hate.
However, I do find them interesting, and even hilarious at times, much the same way as I view 3 Stooges and low-budget Hong Kong kung fu flicks. (Disclaimer: I’m known for having weird tastes, as you’ve probably already guessed.)
As examples, here’s some of the Religious Wrong silliness I’ve run across in just the last week:
U.S. To Be Hit With An EMP Attack And An Economic Collapse!
This oral bowel movement emanates from Rodney Howard-Browne, pastor of the River Church in Tampa, FL. According to Rodney, we’ll have hell to pay unless we have a “Great Awakening” (That would be the 3rd or 4th Great Awakening, depending on who you ask, since this country began.)
Among the dire consequences if we don’t: An EMP Attack that will wipe out half the population. Of course, that’s not what EMPs do. EMPs knock out electronics which would lead to a some deaths, but not half the population.
Not only that, but Big Daddy’s gonna bless us with an economic collapse. (And, here I thought that was Trump’s job.)
I’ve been inside the Congress, I’ve spoken to high-level congresspeople on the Finance Committee and they confirm what I am saying, so I’m not making this up.
Somebody said, “Well, God will protect us.” Yes. We have angels and Smith & Wesson. (Both pretty useless against EMPs.)
Big Daddy’s Gonna Destroy Omarosa For Tattling on Trump (aka “God’s Anointed”)
McDonald began the Omarosa conversation,
She has sought to destroy President Trump and now she’s going to wind up being destroyed herself. And that should warn every one of us, we better be careful how we talk about people that God has his hand on.
You better be careful how you come against this president. We are to respect the authority that God has ordained and when we don’t, Leigh, we put ourselves in his crosshairs.
Valentine wholeheartedly agreed.
God called Donald Trump to be the president and had explicitly warned people in the Bible to “touch not my anointed.”
There Never Was an American White Supremacist Movement!
What would a week be like without some Lance Wallnau insanity? (Someday, I hope to find out.)
Wallnau (Or, as I refer to him, “Wallnaut”) showed up on the Jim Bakker Show this week with his latest and lamest attempt to rewrite history and current events. (David Barton must be sooo proud!)
On the show (in between “End Times Food Barrel” infomercials) he commented on the failed “Unite the Right 2” rally.
His take is that it wasn’t a White Supremacist rally. It was really organized by libtards to raise funds.
That was sheer manipulated news cycles. There is no white supremacist movement in the United States and the proof of it is that only two dozen people showed up. By the way, there never was a white supremacist movement in the United States.
I believe Unite the Right was organized by the left in order to get all of the left-wing activists funded … The protest is theater … So what you had was a massive surge of fundraising to the left off an artificial, fictional white supremacist movement which, of course, is ‘right-wing,’ it’s Unite the Right when, in fact, no one on the right is into that. It’s the left that is into racial politics.
And, he stated, it was the Dems who are and were racists. Back in Civil War times, it was the Dems who owned slaves and the Republicans who fought to free them. Of course, he forgot to mention that both parties have pulled a 180 in the last century and a half.
And, finally! (Not really, but this post is running a bit long.)
Religious Wrong “Prophet” Calls for Prayer to Protect Trump From the Deep State (aka “Jezebel”) and Witchery
According to John Kilpatrick, Trump is a great president with lots of enemies (both real and imagined).
What’s happening right now in America is witchcraft’s trying to take this country over.
I don’t see how President Trump bears up under it,” he said. “He’s as strong as I’ve ever seen a man be.
Kilpatrick called for prayers for the president because,
“Jezebel” is getting ready to step out from the shadows.
He and other
profits….er, prophets have called on Big Daddy to declare war on those dastardly deep state Jezebels. He used Bakker’s show to repeat the call.
God, help this man. I ask, Lord, help him! Father, topple Jezebel! Topple the powers that be! It’s time! Containment is over! Let’s go! Let’s move! Let’s go! Let’s go! It’s now! It’s time! Let’s go! C’mon!
Kilpatrick continued ranting about the situation,
There’s about to be a shift, and the deep state is about to manifest and it’s going to be a showdown like you can’t believe.”
So I’m coming to you as a prophet, and as a man of God, and I’m telling you, it’s time to pray for the president…there’s going to be an attempt to take him out of power.
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it. I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).
- Louie Gohmert Goes All ‘Civil War’ Over Impeachment - November 1, 2019
- Walk On Holy Water In Your Jesus Shoes For Just 14,000 Shekels! - October 15, 2019
- This Week in God (As worshiped by Bronze Age troglodytes!) - October 6, 2019
- Non-Khristians Not Welcome In New State To Be Called ‘Liberty!’ - September 14, 2019
- Sarah ‘Caribou Barbie’ Palin Dumped By Hubby? - September 10, 2019
- The Second Amendment Ain’t What It Used To Be! (Part 1) - September 5, 2019
- Troglodyte: Khristians Need Militias For The Coming Civil War - September 4, 2019
- Sex, Drugs and Bank Fraud = Right Wing ‘Family Values? - August 31, 2019
- Troglodyte: Use the Military to Arrest the Heads of Google, Facebook and Twitter - August 28, 2019
- ‘Prophet’: Patriots Will Murder High-Profile Democrats in the Streets if Trump Doesn’t Carry Out Mass Arrests by January - August 20, 2019