The 'Survivalists' Are Having Trouble Surviving Without A Haircut

Posted by: L.A.W. , April 22, 2020

So let me get this straight… all of you right wingers who have been stock piling guns so you could protect yourself, stock piling food in case of some crisis, stock piling supplies like kerosene cans in case of some crisis, practicing survival skills in case of some crisis, building retreats on compounds in the wilderness to escape the masses so you don’t die of some government concocted infection … are now …. suddenly …. foaming at the mouth because you can’t get out to do what exactly … get buzzcuts and highlights … get your dogs groomed … get some new mud flaps for the truck or some other non essential nonsense?????

Isn’t this EXACTLY what you have been preparing for??? Didn’t you buy one of Glenn Beck’s survival kits when he was selling them? Didn’t you stock up on liquid silver from Jim Bakker? Didn’t you stock up on industrial face masks in case the feds tear gased you? Didn’t you bury gold in some old chewing tobacco tin cans under a tree meant for lynching? Didn’t you cover every inch of your body, home and truck with some version of the american flag, as if it was armor?

Haven’t you been preparing to cut yourself OFF from civilization in case something bad happens …for like decades now?

Yet when actions are being taken to protect you from dying, you interpret that as a violation of your freedom? Take a second to think about that. Go ahead. I know thinking hurts your head.

So here is the solution for you all… instead of protesting for society to re-open… go ahead and live on your compound and use all of those skills and use all of those supplies and run around with no masks, living off the grid, just like you have been planning for.

But if you really really really want to protest, come on out… Just remember there is a big group hug at the end of every protest. Oh… and if you DO get sick then surely God must have had a plan for you all along.