Well folks, it’s been another weird week in Wackistan. A couple variations of an oldie reared their moldy heads. Alex Jones exposed his inner “butch” and came up with his third different conspiracy on the same event. A troglodyte is seeing monsters under the bed, disguised as Arabic in the malls. And Liz Crokin treated us to a ludicrous knee-slapping side-splitter.
For those of you new to “Wacko-of-the-Week,” every week (hence, that part of the title) I search for crackpot ideas being pushed by the tinfoil toupee set. After exploring each (and taking multiple showers) I pick the crackpotiest for the Ignominy Award [The “Iggy”].
As I’ve stated before, this is not an award for stupidity. (Rump winning every week would quickly get boring.) Rather, the award is for those individuals, that for one reason or another, don’t don their tinfoil toupees to block the brain waves emanating from Planet Nibiru.
This week’s nominees:
- Lance Wallinau for asking if John McCain is influenced by demons;
- Ted Broer for claiming that the majority of Congress is involved in pedophilia and satanic sacrifice;
- Alex Jones for his impersonation of a liberal lesbian brain-eating dominatrix;
- Frank Gaffney for claiming that Arabic signs in malls mean Sharia is comming to get you;
- Alex Jones again, for his third Las Vegas conspiracy claim;
- Liz Crokin for her claim that Rump (You know who I’m talking about.) never lies because he’s Big Daddy’s “anointed.”
Into the dumpster:
Lance Wallinau was sleepwalking his way through this week. His total commitment to this was a tweet.
Is John McCain under demonic influence? He passed the fake Russia report to the FBI, blocked Obamacare reform and NOW is the last vote for tax relief? Like an invasive species planted in Republican soil he will hurt his party if doing so hurts Trump. May this plant get uprooted.
Not down to his usual standards. No Iggy for him.
The next was a coin flip, but there’s only room for three in the bottom three. That being the case, out goes Frank Gaffney. After being told about Arabic signs in a mall in Minneapolis (An area with a large Arabic population) he had this to say:
Those mosques, or those malls, for that matter, that we see under increasingly the influence or domination of these guys are bringing in Sharia and bringing in Sharia supremacism and creating infrastructure that ultimately will be used by the violent jihadists against us, because it’s all in the interest of establishing globally the submission of the non-Muslim world to Sharia.
Instead of tossing Frank in the trash heap, a better idea might be a just dump him in a Minneapolis mall!
And, the losers are:
Third place goes to Ted Broer!
After claiming that floridation is a “Nazi plot,” (Hmmm, for decades “Righties” claimed floridation was a “Commie plot.” Make up your mind!) He then went on to explain how we’ve been conned by our leaders.
Over 50 percent of Congress—in my opinion, probably closer to 70 percent—has been compromised or is being controlled in one way or the other. Not all of them, but a large percentage of them.
They have basically given control of the government to the military industrial complex that Eisenhower warned us about. They have, in turn, taken this military industrial complex and they have given it over to the CIA. The CIA has given it over to the Sabbatean Kabbalists … These are the Druids, these are the ones that were taught the ancient forms of worship by the fallen angels. These are the bad guys that run the planet and they, in turn, have given over their control to Lucifer to control the energy field around the planet.
It’s all to control the thoughts and the minds of everybody on the planet.
The runner-up (Or, is that “runner-down?”) is Liz Crokin!
She might have made 1st place, but she is far from the first Khristian (As opposed to “Christian,” which they ain’t!) to make the claim that Rump was “Big Daddy” approved. She just pushed it a bit farther. Plus, she gets points for hilarity. (Unintentional, I’m sure.)
He is never wrong. President Trump is 15 steps ahead of everyone else.
Everything Trump says is eventually proven to be true. Trump would not make an allegation suggesting that Joe Scarborough had something to do with an intern’s murder if it wasn’t true.
God is guiding him and he is God’s anointed.
And so, the winner-loser is Alex (“Never met a conspiracy that I didn’t want to have sex with”) Jones.
Speaking of conspiracies, Jones came up with his third or fourth (I lost track) Las Vegas Massacre conspiriacy.
Well I know the FBI went and picked up the caller you heard earlier when he talked about it being an Islamic attack and there being shootings all over town and helicopters being used. And the FBI showed up and drugged the guy and then declared national security. He’s had to leave the country just over that, so do you think they’d be having the FBI at his house in two hours after he called in about that if it was just a rumor? No, they don’t want that discussed. So Vegas is as phony as a three dollar bill or as Obama’s birth certificate.
But, that’s not what got him his Iggy. This is:
After claiming that some women love to be slapped around and if they can’t find a man to do it, they’ll settle for a woman, he embellished as only Alex can:
Most of these butch lesbians, they want to be the guy smacking the hot chick around. They think that’s manly… And if they can’t find a man to smack them around, well they found them a girl gonna do it real good
Of course, you’re gonna go get chained up one time. They’re gonna put that devil mask or that piggy mask on. They’re gonna say, ‘Now I’m gonna torture you for about six weeks, so start begging for your mommy and your daddy.’ That’s the liberals. They want to get you in a dungeon. They want to strap you down and take a buzz saw and cut the top of your head off like a pumpkin and pull it off and get a little spoon and go, when you’re looking in the mirror—this is one thing I know they like to do—they go ‘I’m going to eat your brain now.’
I’ve got power. I love Satan. And I’m gonna suck you dry and I’m going to torture you to death.
Stay tuned! I’ll be back next Sunday with a whole new batch of Bozos.
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it. I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).
- Islamic & Christian Fundies: Two Coins of the Same Side - November 26, 2019
- Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Impeachment - November 14, 2019
- Louie Gohmert Goes All ‘Civil War’ Over Impeachment - November 1, 2019
- Walk On Holy Water In Your Jesus Shoes For Just 14,000 Shekels! - October 15, 2019
- This Week in God (As worshiped by Bronze Age troglodytes!) - October 6, 2019
- Non-Khristians Not Welcome In New State To Be Called ‘Liberty!’ - September 14, 2019
- Sarah ‘Caribou Barbie’ Palin Dumped By Hubby? - September 10, 2019
- The Second Amendment Ain’t What It Used To Be! (Part 1) - September 5, 2019
- Troglodyte: Khristians Need Militias For The Coming Civil War - September 4, 2019
- Sex, Drugs and Bank Fraud = Right Wing ‘Family Values? - August 31, 2019