Hurricane, hurricane, go away!
Come again some other day!
Pat Robertson has joined an “elite” group of Khristian Hurricane Whisperers. (Or, more accurately, Hurricane Prayers)
He joins such low-light luminaries as Lance Wallnau [Hurricane Irma] and Kat Kerr [Hurricanes Irma & Lane] (Kat also tried to pray the California forest fires away, but that’s a different FAIL)
Of course, the previous prayers had about as much effect as thoughts and prayers usually do.
Here’s Lance, commanding Irma’s millibars to rise:
And here’s Kat:
- Irma caused at least $50 billion of damage in Florida, making it the costliest hurricane ever to hit the state. It also killed 84 people.
Crazy Uncle Pat Swings Into Action(?)
But then, maybe this time’s the charm. For one thing, the aforementioned kooks tried to protect the state of Florida. Crazy Uncle Pat has a much smaller area he’s defending – his CBN [Christian(?) Broadcast Network] facilities.
Yesterday, he went into action! (Well, he went into words, actually.) He called his staff together to pray away the storm.
I don’t want that thing to come in. I don’t want it to hurt Regent, I don’t wait it to hurt CBN, I don’t want it to tear up the beautiful campus, I don’t want it to tear these trees down, I don’t want to see any damage, I don’t want a bunch of glass flowing, and I don’t want [damage] all over this area that is counting on us to pray for them.
We declare in the name of the Lord that you shall go no farther, you shall do no damage in this area,” he said. “We declare a shield of protection all over Tidewater and we declare a shield of protection over those innocent people in the path of this hurricane. In Jesus’ holy name, be out to sea!
He told his staff they would “live to mark this day” because their prayers guaranteed Hurricane Florence wouldn’t hurt them.
Of course, this is the person that guaranteed Willie Romney would win and then be re-elected, because “God” said so!
p.s.: If my ramblings don’t revolt you, check out my FaceBook page (“Grouchy’s Grumbles”) you might just enjoy it. Better yet, you might “like” it. I’d love it if you did. It’s free (and worth every cent) and almost completely painless (other than the usual bad jokes).
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