Oh, the trials and tribulations of a “Flat Earth” troglodyte in the 21st Century.
From California, (Home of more than its share of filberts.) comes word of a dude who’s out to prove those educated eggheads done get it all wrong when they claim the earth is a big blue ball. And, he’s built himself a rocket to prove it.
This particular mental midget goes by the handle of “Mad Mike Hughes.” (Talk about “truth in branding!” This one hits the target!)
I stumbled across Mad Mike a couple of years ago, when I was writing a column entitled “Wacko of the Week.” Hughes won that week, and the competition, including Alex Jones, was fierce!
Jones had been nominated for figuring out that the Las Vegas shooter was a Libtard, based on his choice of soda pop. According to Jones, “conservatives drink Coke,” “libtards drink Pepsi!” (If that were really the case, what the hell are those cans of Diet Coke doing in my fridge?)
But, I digress. Back to the “Flat Earth Trog.”
Mad Mike’s goal, is to go high enough to see the whole earth and prove it’s a humongous pancake.
As Mike explained it,
It’ll shut the door on this ball Earth!
What I don’t think Mike knows (among a hell of a lot of other things) is that you can see the curvature at 35,000 feet under ideal conditions (no clouds, 100% field of view). However, for definitive proof, seeing 90% of the side of earth would be a a lot better. That requires an altitude of 35,600 miles. Seeing the whole 100% would take you out beyond the orbit of the moon. (From the moon, in case you are wondering, you can see 98.4% of one face of the earth.)
For you math nerds, here’s the viewing formula: F = h / (h + R). F is the fraction of the earth that’s visible, h is the altitude and R is the radius of the earth [3960 miles]. (Who says my posts aren’t educational?)
As a “Flat EarthTrog,” Mad Mike doesn’t believe anyone’s made it to space before. After all (according to him) astronauts are just actors with CGI effects.
John Glenn and Neil Armstrong are Freemasons. Once you understand that, you understand the roots of the deception.
Mad Mike wanted to blast off back then, but a federal agency red-lined his request to do it on public land. The “Flat-Head” didn’t get discouraged. He simply moved the launch site to some private land near Amboy.
It’s still happening. We’re just moving it three miles down the road. This is what happens anytime you have to deal with any kind of government agency.
He originally thought it would take him a few days to move and set up. But, once again, the flat earth trog thinks the world is flat, which says a lot about his cognitive development. (Or, lack thereof!)
As more proof of his arrested development, he says,
Trump is the greatest president since there’s been a president! I intend to spread the word about MAGA with my homegrown, steam-powered, manned rocket. I am the homegrown Rocket Man. (Need I say more?)
No surprise that the “few days” turned into a year.
In March of last year, he finally got launched. Didn’t quite make it to 35,600 miles. His altitude maxed out at 1875 feet.
All-in-all, that may have been a good thing, since there’s a lot more oxygen at 1875 feet than there is at 35,600 miles, and he didn’t pack a space suit. (Or maybe he thought the oxygen envelope extended all the way to the moon or beyond.)
The good news (for the Flat Earth trog and all lovers of the humorously insane) is that the rocket deployed its parachutes and Mike landed without injury.
But since he hadn’t really accomplished anything with his rocket (other than surviving) he planned to do it again, launching from a weather balloon. A stable platform, if there ever was one. (NOT!) However, he said it might be awhile, as he was contemplating a run for California governor.
Well, another year has passed and evidently, Mad Mike has decided that riding the rocket to 68 miles up is more doable than reaching the Governor’s Mansion. After all, Mad Mike is a professional limo driver, so that may make sense (to him).
However, the problems keep on a’comin’!
He was going to make another attempt in his steam-powered rocket last Monday [8/12/19]. This time, hopefully making it to 5000 feet. However, things didn’t go as planned.
According to the flat earth trog, the water heater he bought on Graigslist couldn’t heat the water to the desired temperature [400 degrees Fahrenheit].
Well, that was $350 down the drain.
Not to be deterred, Mad Mike is buying another one and trying it again this Saturday [8/17/19]
I appreciate the support, love and excitement from everybody, and a delay will not stop my mission — the rocket is in place and needs a leak plugged up, so weekend is a go!
If he actually launches and somehow survives, his next step will be to find enough flat earth suckers to bankroll a rocket to take him up to 62 miles.
- Louie Gohmert Goes All ‘Civil War’ Over Impeachment - November 1, 2019
- Walk On Holy Water In Your Jesus Shoes For Just 14,000 Shekels! - October 15, 2019
- This Week in God (As worshiped by Bronze Age troglodytes!) - October 6, 2019
- Non-Khristians Not Welcome In New State To Be Called ‘Liberty!’ - September 14, 2019
- Sarah ‘Caribou Barbie’ Palin Dumped By Hubby? - September 10, 2019
- The Second Amendment Ain’t What It Used To Be! (Part 1) - September 5, 2019
- Troglodyte: Khristians Need Militias For The Coming Civil War - September 4, 2019
- Sex, Drugs and Bank Fraud = Right Wing ‘Family Values? - August 31, 2019
- Troglodyte: Use the Military to Arrest the Heads of Google, Facebook and Twitter - August 28, 2019
- ‘Prophet’: Patriots Will Murder High-Profile Democrats in the Streets if Trump Doesn’t Carry Out Mass Arrests by January - August 20, 2019